"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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