I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
