I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
