fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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