my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
