is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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