No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
