Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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