Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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