I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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