your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm really busy with my period
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