Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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