Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
