pop tarts are not kleenex
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
