That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
