I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
