I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
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Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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