As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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