Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
