Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
