My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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