It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
