dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
