He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
