I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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