Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
