we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
