i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
