I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
