She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
