God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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