and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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