Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
