I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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