my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
