people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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