remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
