I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
