she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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