Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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