I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
