He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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