I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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