he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
