I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
