Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize