She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
