my mouth tastes like poor choices
he was CRYING into my vagina
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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