Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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