...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
