cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
