dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
