my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
operation harelip BJ is a go
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
