God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
