It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
