i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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