I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
