We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize